You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
