I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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