**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
