I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
