we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
