So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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