1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Is this like a preordered booty call?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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