he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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