better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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