I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Randomize
