I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
