I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
