It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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