I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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