Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
