he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
