Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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