she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Randomize
