How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
