you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
