A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
