if you like me you must not know who I am
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
