Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
