I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
