Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
