i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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