@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
