remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
