She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm always down for nudity.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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