I am in a vortex of obligation.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize