Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
