i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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