You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
