piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
