thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
