He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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