The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
God I need to hump something, right now.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
