i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
