remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
