So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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