I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
