I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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