just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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