I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
