ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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