New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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