my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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