Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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