I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
