I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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