also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
