Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
