I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
