They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
