I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
