rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
