I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize