I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
