she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
