I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize