it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The air was thick with penises
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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