wake up i wanna do it froggy style
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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