The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize