Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
