I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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