So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
