Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The beers last night were like the tears from god
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Randomize
